Sunday, November 19, 2006

Pulling myself in

The best thing to do when you are feeling all strung out is to pull yourself in and refocus on your priorities.

So that is what I am doing. My mother thinks there is something wrong with me that I do not want to spend everynight out at parties and socials. If you ask her, she says it is not every night. But this week alone she ate dinner at her house only 2 nights. Myself, I find my family responsibilities so overwhelming and so rewarding that I have a hard time being away from home more then 2 evenings per week. As you can clearly see we are rather inverse of eachother.

But we also know that she couldn't handle the patience and persistance in having a special needs child either. That is why she had 3 very well behaved children. Me, my children are angels, just ones with a few interseting variations from the norm. I almost called it "limitations" but knew that term was far from accurate. That is like saying a child who grew wings instead of arms is limited.

My children need me for many of the things only mommies can do. I need them to keep myself focused outwards on others. Without giving of myself and time to them I would be a very selfish pig. And I have found that I don't like myself when I am selfish. Inside of me there are many wonderful things, but if I let myself become selfish beyonds the needs of basic sanity (ie- bath, shower or chocoalte kept to myself) then I find that the selfish monster takes over and everything I liked inside of me disappears under the veil of seeking "self fullfillment".

And leaving the kids night after night with Daddy- who also has them all day. Tends to get selfish real quick. I have a family for a reason, and that reason does not include ignoring them.
Maybe when my family is all grown and it is just Me and Mike then I can handle being away a little more, but not now.

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