Monday, November 27, 2006

Being a Man

Last week's Family Home Evening Lesson was on "Being a Man." It was from the October conference. I tried to get my boys to understand that shirking thier duties was not being a man, adn sometimes the most manly thing of was giving of yourselves for others. The Savior was held up as the supreme example of manhood. After he was whipped and beaten Pilate showed him to the people and declared "Behold, the Man."

The lesson was specifically for my husband, who spends more then his fair time playing video games. I think he understood. Yesterday at church (our baby was sick and crying) he walked the baby in Sunday school class until he fell asleep, and I thought "Now that is a man." He makes me so proud some times, when he is gentle and working on behalf of others with no thought of his own.

A lot of times when I get pissy or ornery it is unfairly dirrected at my husband. He is a good man, who just needs somebody to believe in him and cheer him on when he does the right thing.

My hubby and I have been through a lot of things together in the last 9 years. We have delt with challanges of parenthood, learning to work together, some habbits from his past, loss, and the struggle of daily life. All I know is that the harder the challange has been the closer we have pulled to eachother. The challange is staying close when everything is going swimmingly. On a daily basis it is remembering to ask for help, (instead of assuming he should see the mess and automatically act on it) it is praying together and talking together.

Of course pulling close to eachother has it's little challanges in and of itself; namely the fact that when we are feeling close to eachother spirutually, we tend not to stay far from eachother physically, adn alas, how many nights in a row can you stay up an extra hour just to make love?

You know, those nights when you both go to bed and then just be being close to eachother you feel the sparks flying between you, adn then pretty soon you are cuddling each other close and know there is no way to get to sleep now without fullfilling your body's expectations. And there are other nights when that is happening, but you are both too exhausted so you end up waking at 4am to finish the job.

That brings me to the concept that I am constantly facinated by our biological imparative to reproduce. Nature is pretty well designed, but at least unlike the cats, reproduction for us humans is fun. (assuming of course you are in a good relationship).

So another related topic......this time on hoping that the little spirit that has been "haunting" me. I hope we can get her attached to a body soon. Yep, that means my hubby and I both feel it is time to bring forth our special baby girl. I am just hoping to find a midwife to work with us on part of it. So if you are midwife in central mn , email me. I hope to need you soon. :)

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Because you asked

I had my first series of parent/teacher conferences last week. And they were both wonderful reports.

My Galen (2nd grade) is doing wonderful in school with all of his specialist support. He is speaking up in class and working within groups of children and basically just blossoming. He is really reading and doing math and writting with little support. (He is austistic and this is the first real positive report I have had on him).
But then his coordinator is wonderful adn the school is small and amazing is I am just thrilled to have them there this year.

My Ewan (Kindergarden) got a wonderful review. His teacher said "I don't think there could be a kid more perfect then Ewan." And then she went on to describe all of his amazing charateristics. He is kind, a hard worker, very creative, and is so sweet and gentle with the little boy in class who is in a wheel chair, often making things for him. He listens well, loves to help......the list just went on and on. She concluded the interview by saying that he has a very bright future in store for him. (of Mommy knew all this about Ewan, but loves to hear it from others).

I just love the school they are in. It is a small school, only several hunderd students from PreK-6th. Most of the staff has been working together for over 20 years. It feels quiet and peaceful and everybody is so freindly and open and not just commited to thier work, but passionate about it. The school aslo has a large percentile of at risk kids (below poverty level, and special Ed) They have lots of experience in seeing the gifts in the individuals, and not just thier weekpoints.

I was unsure baout sending my kids back to school (instead of homeschooling) but now I know that all the difference is in the school adn the staff. Moving here is working out so well for the boys.

Ian has had some major changes this week. We determined that his stomach size could be from a food intollerance and that the most likely place to start was gluten. So we put him on a gluten free diet and he no longer looks pregnant. (he is 4) He looks like any other really cute 4 year old (only cuter). And he is fussing a lot less and getting into trouble a lot more.

It turns out that because he is feeling better he has more energy to spare for other pursuits, like jumping on my bed and climbing up closet shelves. This is a major change for us. A couple years ago my father dubbed Ian as "mostly harmless" because he wouldn't do any of that. Well, now he is acting like the other ultra curious and physically capable kids I have raised. His appatite has also increased enormously. Now we just got to teach him what he can eat vs what he can't and then also to potty train him. He hasn't been potty trained because he had watery bowel movements every few minutes before this diet change.

Ian has also been singing. All he has to do is hear some lyrics once and he will sing them over and over. He must have a pretty good ear. The other day in the car he was singing "O O OOO, O R G (got his letters confussed) O What's in the middle? The white stuff." He heard that song play once that day on Daddy's Weird Al CD.

Clay is matching Ian, trouble for trouble. He loves getting into the fridge, climbing everything. (born climber, climbed to the top of the picnic table this summer at 11 months) and enjoys playing with the cat. He is mimicing a few words, but doesn't often wait for mommy to get what he wants. Clay has been ovening every door and going through the garage to play outside by himself. Last week it was 25 degrees and he crawled through the house and outside (opening all 4 doors in between) and out to the playground in nothing but his PJ. We have started locking a few of the key doors and feel that we may have to add a couple of chain locks up high to keep him safe.

Clay reminds me alot of how Galen was. Galen didn't realise there were things he shouldn't (or even shouldn't be able to) do. Clay doent realise either, but at least Clay has learned how to charm himself out of every situation.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Pulling myself in

The best thing to do when you are feeling all strung out is to pull yourself in and refocus on your priorities.

So that is what I am doing. My mother thinks there is something wrong with me that I do not want to spend everynight out at parties and socials. If you ask her, she says it is not every night. But this week alone she ate dinner at her house only 2 nights. Myself, I find my family responsibilities so overwhelming and so rewarding that I have a hard time being away from home more then 2 evenings per week. As you can clearly see we are rather inverse of eachother.

But we also know that she couldn't handle the patience and persistance in having a special needs child either. That is why she had 3 very well behaved children. Me, my children are angels, just ones with a few interseting variations from the norm. I almost called it "limitations" but knew that term was far from accurate. That is like saying a child who grew wings instead of arms is limited.

My children need me for many of the things only mommies can do. I need them to keep myself focused outwards on others. Without giving of myself and time to them I would be a very selfish pig. And I have found that I don't like myself when I am selfish. Inside of me there are many wonderful things, but if I let myself become selfish beyonds the needs of basic sanity (ie- bath, shower or chocoalte kept to myself) then I find that the selfish monster takes over and everything I liked inside of me disappears under the veil of seeking "self fullfillment".

And leaving the kids night after night with Daddy- who also has them all day. Tends to get selfish real quick. I have a family for a reason, and that reason does not include ignoring them.
Maybe when my family is all grown and it is just Me and Mike then I can handle being away a little more, but not now.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

another hormonal rant

Every get so fusterated that you want to throw everything that is on the floor in your house away. Just so you can walk again?

Ever get so fusterated at your husband because you have worked 13 hours today, did homework with the kids, burnt dinner and then tucked them in all while he was playing a computer game, and yet he sits there thinking how put upon he was because he had to get the kids up and on the school bus this morning? (even though you had all thier clothes laid out, thier lunches packed adn homework already put away, and breakfast jsut waiting on the counter top)

The problem with today's women is that we are too empowered. We dont know how not to do everything, and our men dont even realise we need help until we have finally had it enough with them to ask. And then they still dont get what you are asking because they can hear 1 thing and do it. Dont even imagine trying to tell them more then 1 thing.

And that is why I can now understand how King Lamoni was so thrilled with Ammon when he said "and you remembered everything I said and did them." While the rest of his servents got focused on the robbers that scattered the sheep and couldn't even remember to gather the sheep again, non the less get the horses and chariot ready to take the king to the feast. But somehow Ammon remembered it, and did it, and it impressed the king.

I guess it would impress me too, if a guy did it, but yet a mother is expected to.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Addendum to the last post..Tender Mercies

Again, all quiet contemplation leads to the overwhelming feeling of graditude.

Tender Mercies of the weekend:

1. getting lost in downtown Saint Paul- but still finding our way to the science museum faster then my parents.

2. my husband applogizing for yelling at me when he didnt see the turn I indicated while getting lost in downtown ST Paul.

3. Organic juices available at the Gas Station.

4. 10 minutes in the restuarant after my husband and kids left...I was to pay the bill...but also ordered and truely enjoyed eating the cheesecake with no one I had to yell at.

5. Attending the Temple on Saturday- seeing old friends

6. Got my kid's birthday gifts (all the birthdays in my family fall between mid oct and Jan 1st) all at the same store- talking to old friends at the store.

7. The ease of hauling our oicnic table with extra hands of the missionaries (our picnic table is 300 pounds, made from recycled plastic).

8. Garison Keiller and Prarie Home Companion on the drive home- with all the kids asleep.

9. Catching up with the moving van my husband was driving and just following him all the way home.

10. 10 hours of uninterupted sleep last night. (first time in how long?)

11. State President talking in Relief Society.

12. The amazing- and truely blessed orajel.

I 'm feeling slightly ornery tonight

That happens often when I don't have a chance to take Sunday off. And eventhough we made it to church today, and the lessons were good and my husband got a calling we still ended up having today feel like any other stressed out day because we had to be at a Family memeber's birthday party.

Now, on most weeks this would seem fine, but on most weeks I dont spend the weekend driving all over the state with a moving truck and eating in restuarants with special needs children.

IN other words, I am just plan tired. And it is really hard to start my week when I feel so tired. We all slept from 10pm last night until 8 this morning. This included everyone in the house- even our baby. And the sleep we needed, but my brain has not relaxed. Even on Saturday when I went to the Temple I couldnt get my brain to quiet down and just rejoice in the spirit there. When we go back down to close on our house, I will make sure my husband will come with me so so we can stand in the prayer circle together and then enjoy sitting quietly very close together in the Celestial room.

I just got my kids in thier beds and I am hopping that my brain can now relax, as I have a big week ahead of me for business and family.

Another thing that has been eating my mind - chewing at me just below the consience level until it has broken through is that fact that I want to have my girl baby, but I know my hands are so full that it is not the right time yet. My 4 boys seem to all cling to me and there is no room for another- until they are all a little older. AT the same time I chastise myself for wanting another one when I have been blessed with so much already. But as always, I refuse hormonal birth control and will let Heaven decided when that right time is. But approching long can I go with out getting pregnant?