We officially took Galen off of special Ed this year. Which is logical, considering he wasn't using it, but scary knowing how far he had yet to go.
It is hard to know how much of his schoolwork he does on his own. Jenny is always there with him. On the standard tests he scores a year or do behind. But tests have never been an accurate measure of his understanding.
I want him/ need him to gain independence in his school work. At home he is s hard worker when he is given clear directions. Without clear directions he becomes a sweatshirted lump. So with schoolwork he needs to learn how to tease out the clear directions from the other information.(ain't that the truth in life?)
Now I need to figure out how to clearly convey these ideas to Jenny so she can help move it forward.
Sent from my iPhone
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Sunday, September 09, 2012
The Neat and Comely Balance Line
I am trying to care enough about how I present myself to look "neat and comely" while not being lifted up to pride of costly apparel.
My high point of caring how I looked was my high school/college years. Back then I had a new wardrobe of nice clothes so I dressed accordingly. What is interesting is that it was in those years that I found out, I didn't like who I was when I wore makeup. I was always acting, or pretending to be someone else when I wore makeup. And soon I realized that whenever I wore makeup on the date- that I was turned off by the guy, that it must be because I had to be someone else to get along with him- or I was just pretended to like him to "be nice" on the date.
It was also then that I was studying costuming for theater. I would spend hours picking out and trying on clothes every Sunday to dress how I wanted to present myself. I realized what I was doing when I was asked to play the part of Mary in the Christmas program. I wanted to look the part while still wearing regular Sunday dress clothes. After many outfits tried on, I settled on mid calf, black skirt and a cream long sleeve, blouse that was very modest and had several layers of feminine touches like lace and ribbons down the front. I also worked on the right hair style for this. This costuming experience helped me realize just how little changes in our dress details can make on the impression we are giving others.
Fast Forward 15 years.... to one of my son's baptisms. The bishop was talking to Ewan about how this is special event and you can tell because of how special, and here he faltered in his speech because he wanted to say "you mom dressed" for this but then he looked over at me and changed his mind and said "your baby sister." And I remembered getting dressed that morning and not having much left in my wardrobe that was neat or comely anymore, so I ended up in a homemade plaid skirt and a white T shirt. Kinda sloppy, but after 10 years of baby fat and baby hand prints on my clothes that was about the best I could do.
However, that event did make me realize that maybe I could care a little bit more. Over the next several years I have carefully added long lasting pieces to my wardrobe that I can feel "neat and comely" in. I tried to buy good quality clothes with basic styles that will serve to show I care enough to honor the Lord through my dress, but I also tried to not look flashy or costume like, but modest in all things.
It is a very interesting line to balance on. How to be neat and comely while not be lifted up in pride of fancy apparel. At what point does it become "because I want others to see me look nice" rather than being "neat and comely to honor the Lord"? I know the Lord cares about our hearts and our service more then about how we look. And when he does care about how we look, then what is the ideal look that would be striving for?
Now, I used to love costumes and princess dresses and ribbons and bows and glitter and all sorts of decorations and apparel. But that has given way to the logic of basic clothing for mothering chores. The idea of wearing anything that slows down my ability to take care of the kids and house just is appallingly unpractical. And when I watch and look at when I feel the best about myself and who I am becoming it seems to be at the time times when I am covered in paint or just finished washing the diapers out or when I am covered in flour. It almost never has to do with looking nice.
Of course, we also are not a mirrored family. We own 2 mirrors in the whole house, neither of which show more then the upper half of you. As I have been becoming aware of trying to be neat and comely, sometimes I wonder if it would help to see what I look like before I step out of the house. Other times I think that would be nothing more then an exercise in frustration or conversely pride.
I have to admit, I have a pretty face and a nice body (or at least I used to), and it is easy to think of my looks as better then others and in this world where TV advertisements and movies put a high value on looks it is hard not to have pride on the fact that at least you are skinnier then your sister or your face has less zits then your friend. (yeah, I used to think those things). The challenge here seems to lie in not judging others but judging yourself.
And yet you know what is in your heart- so you can judge your heart, but others have to judge on what they can see of you. And the vast majority of people only see how you look. And they won't look long enough to see your actions or hear your words. So what good can you do by how you look?
Now that is a good question. "What good can you do by how you look?"
My high point of caring how I looked was my high school/college years. Back then I had a new wardrobe of nice clothes so I dressed accordingly. What is interesting is that it was in those years that I found out, I didn't like who I was when I wore makeup. I was always acting, or pretending to be someone else when I wore makeup. And soon I realized that whenever I wore makeup on the date- that I was turned off by the guy, that it must be because I had to be someone else to get along with him- or I was just pretended to like him to "be nice" on the date.
It was also then that I was studying costuming for theater. I would spend hours picking out and trying on clothes every Sunday to dress how I wanted to present myself. I realized what I was doing when I was asked to play the part of Mary in the Christmas program. I wanted to look the part while still wearing regular Sunday dress clothes. After many outfits tried on, I settled on mid calf, black skirt and a cream long sleeve, blouse that was very modest and had several layers of feminine touches like lace and ribbons down the front. I also worked on the right hair style for this. This costuming experience helped me realize just how little changes in our dress details can make on the impression we are giving others.
Fast Forward 15 years.... to one of my son's baptisms. The bishop was talking to Ewan about how this is special event and you can tell because of how special, and here he faltered in his speech because he wanted to say "you mom dressed" for this but then he looked over at me and changed his mind and said "your baby sister." And I remembered getting dressed that morning and not having much left in my wardrobe that was neat or comely anymore, so I ended up in a homemade plaid skirt and a white T shirt. Kinda sloppy, but after 10 years of baby fat and baby hand prints on my clothes that was about the best I could do.
However, that event did make me realize that maybe I could care a little bit more. Over the next several years I have carefully added long lasting pieces to my wardrobe that I can feel "neat and comely" in. I tried to buy good quality clothes with basic styles that will serve to show I care enough to honor the Lord through my dress, but I also tried to not look flashy or costume like, but modest in all things.
It is a very interesting line to balance on. How to be neat and comely while not be lifted up in pride of fancy apparel. At what point does it become "because I want others to see me look nice" rather than being "neat and comely to honor the Lord"? I know the Lord cares about our hearts and our service more then about how we look. And when he does care about how we look, then what is the ideal look that would be striving for?
Now, I used to love costumes and princess dresses and ribbons and bows and glitter and all sorts of decorations and apparel. But that has given way to the logic of basic clothing for mothering chores. The idea of wearing anything that slows down my ability to take care of the kids and house just is appallingly unpractical. And when I watch and look at when I feel the best about myself and who I am becoming it seems to be at the time times when I am covered in paint or just finished washing the diapers out or when I am covered in flour. It almost never has to do with looking nice.
Of course, we also are not a mirrored family. We own 2 mirrors in the whole house, neither of which show more then the upper half of you. As I have been becoming aware of trying to be neat and comely, sometimes I wonder if it would help to see what I look like before I step out of the house. Other times I think that would be nothing more then an exercise in frustration or conversely pride.
I have to admit, I have a pretty face and a nice body (or at least I used to), and it is easy to think of my looks as better then others and in this world where TV advertisements and movies put a high value on looks it is hard not to have pride on the fact that at least you are skinnier then your sister or your face has less zits then your friend. (yeah, I used to think those things). The challenge here seems to lie in not judging others but judging yourself.
And yet you know what is in your heart- so you can judge your heart, but others have to judge on what they can see of you. And the vast majority of people only see how you look. And they won't look long enough to see your actions or hear your words. So what good can you do by how you look?
Now that is a good question. "What good can you do by how you look?"
A real woman
A real woman is seen in the kindness of her eyes. There is also hope and joy. I love this picture. It shows so many aspects that I think a real woman is. The wrinkles from years of smiles and toils. calloused hands from years of laboring for others. I want to one day have my face tell the same story of me.
Saturday, September 01, 2012
Hopes of Arwen
Fears of pregnancy- gone.
Hopes of a baby- dashed.
Red Tsunami
I breathe a sigh of relief
and then I wonder when
The last baby will come.
Hopes of a baby- dashed.
Red Tsunami
I breathe a sigh of relief
and then I wonder when
The last baby will come.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Serving at a Funeral
Today I served at my first funeral.
I have attended a nice handful of funerals, but today I was a church woman in the kitchen preparing food and serving those in morning.
It felt like a new phase of my life.
A phase I have long watched others in, but have never been in myself.
Besides the layout of food and tables and what not, I focused on keeping the water picture full on the tables while the friends, relatives, wife, children and grandchildren all talked about their dearly departed.
I focused on the water, because I know how it is to wish there was more water to drink and how thirsty people get at life stage events.
But it also reminded me of Christ saying he is the living water and those that drink shall thirst no more. And that is why there were relatively few tears. For we know that in Christ the sting of death is swallowed up and the grave has no victory.
I have attended a nice handful of funerals, but today I was a church woman in the kitchen preparing food and serving those in morning.
It felt like a new phase of my life.
A phase I have long watched others in, but have never been in myself.
Besides the layout of food and tables and what not, I focused on keeping the water picture full on the tables while the friends, relatives, wife, children and grandchildren all talked about their dearly departed.
I focused on the water, because I know how it is to wish there was more water to drink and how thirsty people get at life stage events.
But it also reminded me of Christ saying he is the living water and those that drink shall thirst no more. And that is why there were relatively few tears. For we know that in Christ the sting of death is swallowed up and the grave has no victory.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Feeling like a Woman
Sometimes I wonder about the concept of "feeling like a woman," and how that has been changed or even constructed by our mass media advertising.
Personally, I feel most like a woman when I am doing things that woman have done for generations- hanging laundry, pulling weeds, snuggling babies, serving others in thier basic needs of food and clothing and a listening ear.
However, our modern adverting would have you believe that feeling like a woman is a product of make- up and designer bras, or it is when your hair and nails are done.
I am plain by nature, would probably fit into the Amish communities quiet nicely, except for love of pink. I find that worrying how I look to be a rather shallow and short sighted pursuit (short sighted because in 2 minutes a kid is going to barf on me, or leak a diaper on me, or wipe his bloody nose on my shoulder), but I don't see how what we are wearing for perfume or how long we spent looking in the mirror in the morning, has anything to do with being a woman.
A woman's work is service. We get our best kicks out of serving others. And quite often it is tedium service, the day in, day out of changing diapers, hanging laundry and making dinner. It is cleaning the house yet one more time, bandaging yet one more boo-boo.
I feel like a woman when I can remain calm in the storm, when I can look beyond the tedium tasks of the day with my skirt blowing in the breeze, the sweat dribbling down my face and the garden freshly weeded, even when there is still dinner to cook.
Personally, I feel most like a woman when I am doing things that woman have done for generations- hanging laundry, pulling weeds, snuggling babies, serving others in thier basic needs of food and clothing and a listening ear.
However, our modern adverting would have you believe that feeling like a woman is a product of make- up and designer bras, or it is when your hair and nails are done.
I am plain by nature, would probably fit into the Amish communities quiet nicely, except for love of pink. I find that worrying how I look to be a rather shallow and short sighted pursuit (short sighted because in 2 minutes a kid is going to barf on me, or leak a diaper on me, or wipe his bloody nose on my shoulder), but I don't see how what we are wearing for perfume or how long we spent looking in the mirror in the morning, has anything to do with being a woman.
A woman's work is service. We get our best kicks out of serving others. And quite often it is tedium service, the day in, day out of changing diapers, hanging laundry and making dinner. It is cleaning the house yet one more time, bandaging yet one more boo-boo.
I feel like a woman when I can remain calm in the storm, when I can look beyond the tedium tasks of the day with my skirt blowing in the breeze, the sweat dribbling down my face and the garden freshly weeded, even when there is still dinner to cook.
Friday, July 06, 2012
What I am expecting, now that I am no longer expecting
I am inclined to believe that spirits are attached to their bodies at the moment of conception. Of course, not all pregnancies work out. The ones that miscarry may be a result of the spirit is not ready to come at this time- or the body wasn't right for them, or even that they just needed a beginning of a body to do what they need to do at that time.
I am fortunate enough to have 1 spirit that didn't take her first body, but she hung around us for 5 years before I was able to bring her forth in a body- and now she won't let me out of her sight.
It is much easier to experience another miscarriage, holding this little spirit that I had waited so long for. I don't have to cry about loosing a baby, I just have to be patient.
In fact, in many ways, I was prepared for a miscarriage this time. About a month ago I woke up one morning, faced myself in the mirror, and with my hands on my hips in a peter-pan type (ready for another adventure) look announced to myself that "It was time for a miscarriage." Then I wondered why in the world would I ever say that, or want that?
The only answer that I have come up with is that it must be for the experience. At least the early ( 6 week) miscarriage is much easier to take then a mid-term miscarriage. We also choose not to tell people about the pregnancy yet. It also makes it easier because then you do not have to tell them that you are no longer pregnant either.
"Now is not the time for this pregnancy." I was told. I am ok with that, and when I am not feeling ok with that, I will make myself feel ok with that.
But since I am writing I am going to dissect that sentence. "Now" is the easy part; based on my past experience, it could mean anywhere from 6 months to 5 years or even this mortal life, but it will happen, and I will finish clothing this spirit in a mortal body before we are through, and then he will be "all mine" as I whisper to my other children as I cuddle and kiss them. "This" is the harder one; "this" denotes a separation for others. So that leaves questions of what others at what times.
I like those questions because they have anticipation to them, the joy of finding the answers.
I am fortunate enough to have 1 spirit that didn't take her first body, but she hung around us for 5 years before I was able to bring her forth in a body- and now she won't let me out of her sight.
It is much easier to experience another miscarriage, holding this little spirit that I had waited so long for. I don't have to cry about loosing a baby, I just have to be patient.
In fact, in many ways, I was prepared for a miscarriage this time. About a month ago I woke up one morning, faced myself in the mirror, and with my hands on my hips in a peter-pan type (ready for another adventure) look announced to myself that "It was time for a miscarriage." Then I wondered why in the world would I ever say that, or want that?
The only answer that I have come up with is that it must be for the experience. At least the early ( 6 week) miscarriage is much easier to take then a mid-term miscarriage. We also choose not to tell people about the pregnancy yet. It also makes it easier because then you do not have to tell them that you are no longer pregnant either.
"Now is not the time for this pregnancy." I was told. I am ok with that, and when I am not feeling ok with that, I will make myself feel ok with that.
But since I am writing I am going to dissect that sentence. "Now" is the easy part; based on my past experience, it could mean anywhere from 6 months to 5 years or even this mortal life, but it will happen, and I will finish clothing this spirit in a mortal body before we are through, and then he will be "all mine" as I whisper to my other children as I cuddle and kiss them. "This" is the harder one; "this" denotes a separation for others. So that leaves questions of what others at what times.
I like those questions because they have anticipation to them, the joy of finding the answers.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)