Always a tree hugger

I have always been a tree hugger. I feel that trees literally connect the earth to the heavens. And by hugging the trees I feel as if I can join into that flow.

I live in the forest. I feel most alive, most at peace when I am in the forest. In many ways it is often the only time I have to quietly think and ponder and listen. I feel it is no accident that Joseph Smith kneeled in a grove of trees. Deep in the forest you are least likely to be interrupted, and most likely to hear, listen, ask and pray.

Christmas last year was really hard on me. My children snuck in and opened all their presents about a month early. The ornaments were all stomped and we had to skip Christmas dinner due the autistic issues we were facing that day. Physiologically, I was fried, I desperately needed to get out and find myself a Christmas. At noon I left the house at a dead run. I ran through the yard, I ran through the field and then into the forest. At this point I did not know the paths or the trees or even where I was going.

finally, when all was left far behind. I stopped and cried my frustrations out on a downed tree. I cried unto the Lord and begged for help. I looked up and there, about 15 feet in front of me were 2 pine trees that were shimmering, glowing. The weather had frosted the forest and sun was at just the right angle to make these trees shine. The Lord had provided me a Christmas tree.

All winter I walked in the forest every day. I learned the trees, I learned the trails, I learned the sounds, the footprints, the droppings, the tracks. I learned that I was heard, I learned that I could sing, I learned that I was not only one with nature in the forest, but could be one with the creator.

The forest is my home. The trees are my friends. I call them by name. And I am called by name and talked to while I am there. The forest is my communion place.

It calls to me. I try to answer. Will I get on my boots, my shoes, my coat, or my sunhat and step in through the grass to reach into heaven?

Autism

Autism is interesting to me. I have an 8 year old with it. It has been something I have continuously researched since he was diagnosed at 3 year old. After these 5 years of research and life I have finally drawn some conclusions.

1. Autism is real. It is a true physical issue inside the body.
2. Autism waxes and wanes and has good days and bad days.
3. My autistic child has such a sweet, kind and good spirit that he needs the challenges of an autistic body to grow in ways he needs to during his earth life. Maybe others do too.
4. Chemicals in the environment, house, food and during the developmental periods make a big impact on their tender and sensitive bodies.
5. With the lack of medical knowledge and the permanent damage to the nervous system the child has to rely on Heavenly Father for comfort and to calm their bodies.
6. The nerves in the child during autistic episodes (and less so at other times) are misfiring. Some are signals come through too strongly and others do not come through at all.

On thinking on number 6- maybe the world is becoming that way. Our news media makes a big deal of Paris Hilton and other celebrities going about daily business (or royally messing up) but yet the news we need to hear, like the whispering of the spirit or consul of our brethren is often drowned out in the commotion.

new voice mail message

You have reached my voice mail. I am out of my mind until further notice. Please don't waste your time by leaving a message. If you really need my attention, you are as crazy as I am.

loss

Another month with no baby on the horizon. But that is ok. I have enough going on and a cute little blue eyed girl to hold whenever family get-to-gathers happen.

We were trying to restructure my business because it was growing too fast for me to run and still have a family. But then the management of incubator business (the one helping mine) decided to hijack our business and in effect ended up that our business was hijacking their management team. It wasn't a good solution for either side. And the effect upon me was like that of losing my baby.

I need to find something else to do and quick before grief and loss overwhelm me. Does anybody know a good series of fantasy books that I haven't already read?

I just can't seem to sit still

Now that I have some of my heaviest weight lifted off of me (the people management of the business) I have started delving back into another love.....midwifery
The good schools take 3-4 years plus clinical work
But I don't want to move.

finally ready

I Finally feel ready for a baby. A little one that can sleep on my chest and cuddle close to me.

Ever prayed for pee?

He who is aware of every birdie, surely is aware of nerve problems in my 4 year old. He didn't pee for over 24 hours, and attempts at catheterization was not working. So we had Mikey give him a blessing with the oil and I feel much better about it.

The blessing said that is would only be short term trial (yes, he told that to Joseph Smith when he was in the liberty jail too) and that the right connections would be made allowing him to eliminate effectively. Which was the feeling I had often gotten concerning the surgery, but the doctors refuse to promise you (if the mention the possibility at all).

Ian finally peed.